So after my fantastic fuck up I decided to go into hiding. I needed time alone to sort out my shit. I mean what was I thinking? Harry is old enough to be my father...he is smart, and skilled, and experienced...what would he ever see in me? I'm just a kid in his eyes.
So I spent a few days at the stables with the exotic horses there...and spent a lot of time flying on Arion. Up in the air I feel free from everything going on down there. It helps me forget even if it's only for a little while. I also found myself at the beach below the cliff...I refuse to acknowledge it has anything to do with Harry though.
Well a few days into my self imposed exile when Jack and Meg found me (I should have known Meg would come looking for me.) After some poking on Jack's part and a lot of prodding on Meg's, I told them sort of what happened. I didn't name names because only Jack knew my feelings for Harry and I really didn't want to look like the fool I felt like. Eventually Meg told me the Death card came up and she apparently thought I would kill myself...please I didn't try it or even think it when Zack died making a fool of myself in front of Harry wasn't gonna change that. Besides I now know what happens to those that do that...Tartarus is not a fun place and even with Hades and Persephone for parents I would go there. My father loves me but rules are rules and he won't break them for even me, of that I am sure.
Then a funny thing happened. Meg told me I should enjoy being a kid while I can and I yelled at her. Then Jack started yelling at me shouting, "YES, KORINA, YOU ARE A KID. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A KID. A SCARED LITTLE CHILD, HIDING FROM WHAT LIFE THROWS AT YOU. THAT'S THE PATH YOU'RE TAKING, DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS? YOU SEEM TO GET THE REST OF US SO DAMN WELL, BUT LOOK AT YOURSELF! GODS!! IF WE COULD ALL JUST RUN AND HIDE LIKE KIDDY KORINA..." I felt this urge to hit him but I fought against it and yelled back, "FUCK YOU JACK! HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME OR WHAT I GREW UP IN? I HAVE LIVED AND BREATHED SORROW FROM DAY ONE." But he wouldn't drop it he kept pushing, "OH, PLEASE!! AT LEAST YOU COULD IMAGINE THAT YOUR PARENTS LOVED YOU AND HAD DIED, LEAVING YOU AN ORPHAN... I HAD TO GROW UP KNOWING THAT MY FOLKS WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! YOU JUST WANT TO BE THE SAD LITTLE BABY AND HAVE EVERYONE LOOK AFTER YOU, DON'T YOU. THAT'S WHY HARRY SEES YOU AS A KID, NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE" Finally I lost it and hit him.
He asked if I felt better. I said no. He said hit me again. I told him it wouldn't help. He said he was sorry and I told him I would show up when I felt ready. He hugged me and kissed my forehead and apologized again before letting me leave.
When I get over myself I will need to thank him...and ask what is bothering HIM.
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